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The garden...

Im not a person who enjoys nature a lot. The only piece of nature I truely enjoy or big flat open fields of short grass, the dunes and the beach. So when we had to put on the blindfolds and really concentrate on the nature I didnt feel very comfortable. not only that Im not a person who trusts others easily. not at al infact Im absolutely terrified of other human beings. I prefer to suround myself with animals.

Besides that. I was very happy to be out of the classrooms. I can get bored rather quickly and once Im bored I find it hard to focus and to find any motivation to participate in classes. So being in a new envirnment to explore and to be amazed by, to run and walk around in, it keeps me focused and motivated. It was a long class but it didnt feel long at al. I often felt like running and during the breaks I was able to do so. It made me feel alive unlike sitting in the classroom.

The meditation...

I really. really. really hate meditation. My mind is very busy and often not a great place to be in. I dont enjoy the silence and the no communication. I need my districtations.
I also didnt enjoy having a person telling me what to do with my body. the whole setting felt cult like. Im not a fan.

1. Clothes with holes...
Sometime ago now. I visited a shop who had a sale going on of clothes that had holes in it. some were torn others had misprints or just dirty spots on it. I think these were the clothes they would put on the dressing dolls but I am not sure what had happened to the clothes that would get them in such a state. it didnt matter much to me though. I needed new clothes an I could fix them up. atleast so I thought but Im also not that smart and handy with sewing so I never fixed them. I still wore them though. I often wear damaged clothing. I kinda enjoy the look of it. I feel like it fits me. for we are all damaged and ll in our ways.

2. family...
My family... its a big mess. it's always been a big mess. there aren't many people from my family who I can get along with at al. they give me a lot of trouble all the time. now a days my mom is leaving another man. this is the 5th or 6th time and she has already found another man. It's really tough on my little sister. I personally feel like I cant go home anymore due to all the shouting and kibbling. I cant even sleep anymore. I wish I could fix it. sadly it's not my battle to fight. and therefore I just prefer to stay at my own place and hang with my own friends.

3. my fears...
I dont truelly know if this is something that needs fixing or if it is just part of my personality. then again is a personality evver done with changing? I do not know. And maybe the statement is only a production of the current state of the online society. the society I interact with mostly. Eitherway, I think its something that could be improvved upon and therefore you could see it as a form of fixing?
Im just simply terrified of almost anything. even making this assignment had me stressed for days. Even now writing it doesnt help. It's a personal thing so of course its scary. I brainstormed about it so much to the point I got absolutely nowhere. I could think of a thousand subjects I think need repairing but I dont always feel comfortable sharing all of those things.
besides just personal thing Im terrified of being in the company of other people even tho I can play it off cool. I worry about everything... so much it drives me crazy.

rambles and braindumps...

I dont know what the use of these were but theyre here now.
thank you for reading anyways

I dont know why I felt the need to add this extra section but I was feeling rather sad and I couldnt sleep (maybe my sleeping schedule is another thing that should get fixed). But I figured that since this is to document your journey I'd just add some of my thoughts. mostly just late night personal rambles.
I came home todays from home. it wasn't great. I was trying to get my parents to go to my lil siss her perfomance because that's what she really wanted. sadly they didnt listen. it was very frustrating. It caused me to be at home late. luckily at home I was able to greet my pet mouse again wich made me feel slightly better. I had to clean up and get dinner stuff for a friend would come over and that was big fun. But now it's just me. and the mouse of course. Im doing slightly better aftter writing this though.

I do wonder about the idea of repairing ones self and to how far one should go. I got many fears and one of them is to loose myself to the world and others (although idk who I AM). Like why do I think I or for that matter anything needs fixing? And if I fix myself am I a better version of myself? or am I just a different version of myself? or am I just not me anymore? If I remove all the things that are broken does it loose its flair? I personally dont believe I coulld fix most things about myself because I dont personally believe that something that is broken can be turned back into the state it was in before it broke because there's always a history and memory attached. not to mention sometimes you loose a piece and you gotta replace it. then its not the same thing anymore.